I’m not going to that wedding.
I can’t go to the wedding.
I won’t be there.
Actual words from Elizabeth when we were discussing her sister’s wedding. We had been talking about the wedding several months prior/
Those were not actually the words she meant. Elizabeth adores her big sister and Emily; her sister feels the same way.
She said them because of all the emotion she has related to her sister getting married and what that meant in terms of just what it means to be married.
Where will her sister go?
Is she losing her best friend?
And realizing that Emily is moving on to the next stage of her life. And even though Emily and her new husband, Ben, have told Elizabeth that she will always have a place in their lives, no matter what. Elizabeth’s big emotions were still there.
Elizabeth is a deep thinker and a deep feeler and because of that the words to express these big emotions are hard for her to get through to the surface and talked about. So, it is the sharper words that rise to the top first. Hence the words you read at the top.
And this required work on our part to help her deal with her feelings, be happy for her sister and enjoy the happy time and occasion.
In the few months prior, we would casually bring up the wedding and help Elizabeth fully understand that Emily will be leaving NEAR us but NOT across the hall from her.
It was in these months that she waffled between being excited for the wedding and well, saying the words at the top.The month prior to the wedding , we
did a lot of work to show pictures of the wedding dress, where we will be for the ceremony and dinner to follow. The wedding was intimate and outdoors and the dinner was one big table. Elizabeth’s one question was what do I have to do for the wedding and when we said: sit and enjoy, she visibly relaxed. And we thought we had a lock on this.
And then it got closer and the big feels she had returned. So we went over the day, her outfit, showed the wedding spot and dinner place again.
We also had her companion be there for her, which was a great thing as this allowed Elizabeth to have her support and that allowed me to be fully present for the day.
And we talked and talked and talked more
And she talked with her beloved therapist Mary- and this helped.
Her sister came home for her wedding and Elizabeth was thrilled and she enjoyed her sister in the short time between home and wedding
And the day arrived
And we had our Plan B, with her companion, as I have always recommended.
We were hoping and praying that she would enjoy the day and celebrate this great day.
I got to the venue ahead of everyone as I brought the bride in my car and while Emily sat and waited in the car.
I got to watch Elizabeth walk to her chair and when she saw me approach, she was smiling, happy and fully engaged in the moment. After a quick hug, the ceremony began.
And all I can say is from that moment through the pictures and the long wait until dinner and through a 3-hour meal, our beautiful Elizabeth remained the same.
She was truly and fully present at the event. Relaxed and smiling and Emily and Ben were thrilled.
All the work we did made this possible.
All the work we have done for her in the past to lead to her ability to do this work now- made the difference.
She was so proud of herself, and we could not have been more so!
We are grateful for the chance to all be part of this special life moment.
And we will take the good and celebrate it.
Talk to you next month!