Quick answer: For Elizabeth, feeding was less about food variety and more about the motor planning steps of self-feeding. What helped was breaking utensil use into small steps, practicing often, and staying patient as dyspraxia and sensory needs made habits hard to change.
Mealtime today: slow and steady
As I watch Elizabeth eat her dinner and salad, I gently remind her to eat slowly. Right now, that is our biggest mealtime work. We keep encouraging neat, slow eating.
For those who know Elizabeth, this will sound familiar. When she is hungry, she wants to stop being hungry. At the same time, she wants to enjoy her meal. So, neat eating is not her first goal.
Honestly, I wish I could say her fast eating comes from her special needs. In truth, I think she comes by it naturally because I am a fast eater, too. Even so, some days are much better than others. She is still a work in progress.
(If you have ever seen skills “backslide” when routines shift, this relates: Avoiding Backsliding: The Active Effort of Practicing Good Habits.)
The biggest early challenge: utensils
Back to the salad. As she crunches away, I get taken back in time. A little lettuce jumps onto the table. In a funny way, that small moment reminds me of our biggest early challenge: utensils.
Forks and spoons felt optional
Elizabeth treated forks and spoons as optional. Instead, she preferred using her hands. Ice cream was the exception. For that, she happily used a spoon.
For us, food variety was not the challenge. Also, chewing and swallowing were not issues. Rather, the hard part was the act of feeding herself.
Why it was hard: dyspraxia and sensory processing disorder
To start, Elizabeth’s special needs include global dyspraxia and sensory processing disorder (SPD). These affect her life every day.
Dyspraxia makes new skills hard because it affects motor planning. For example, it can impact fine motor, gross motor, and oral motor skills. It can also affect initiation and memory for steps. Since Elizabeth is globally affected, she shows many signs across areas.
Because utensil use requires motor planning, it takes several steps. A child has to hold the utensil, scoop the food, and bring it to the mouth. For Elizabeth, we needed to teach those parts as separate steps.
(For a clinician-style feeding Q&A that mirrors this “task analysis” approach, see: Ask A Therapist: Feeding Difficulty.)
What helped: break it into steps and practice, then practice again
With Elizabeth, we broke utensil skills into steps. Then we practiced them. After that, we practiced again.
Step-by-step utensil practice
When she was younger, we offered a spoon or fork with her meal. Sometimes she picked it up and fiddled with it. After a moment, she often put it down and went back to using her hands.
At times, we helped by placing food on the fork and handing it to her. She took that bite. Then she set the fork down again.
Why did this happen? Using her hands felt easier. As a result, she needed less effort to be successful. In addition, she didn’t have to think as hard to get a bite and enjoy the food.
Eventually, we learned to celebrate small wins. We felt grateful when she used a spoon for spaghetti and applesauce. Even today, she often eats spaghetti with a spoon once we cut it. That way, it fits better on the spoon.
Progress over time
Over time, and with steady practice, she got more skilled. Today she is 26 and does well with a fork and spoon.
However, dyspraxia does not quit. Some days, a spoon still feels like the best choice, and that is okay.
As for the knife, she can use one. Still, it goes well some days and not as well on others. That is okay, too.
Where we are now
At this point, we keep working like we always have. We keep practicing the habits that support independence. Most of all, I try to remember how far she has come.
I understand how she learns, and I see what she needs. Above all, I feel proud of the work she has done and continues to do each day.
Mealtime takes knowing your child, and it takes patience, too. As I always say, I’m not an expert except when it comes to Elizabeth.
See you next month!
Michele Gianetti
FAQ
Why can utensil use be hard for a child with dyspraxia?
Dyspraxia affects motor planning, so holding a utensil, scooping, and bringing food to the mouth may need to be taught as step-by-step skills and practiced many times.
What helped most in this story?
Breaking feeding skills into steps, practicing consistently, and accepting that some days a “simpler” utensil choice is still a win.