I am stressed
Today was stressful.
I just need to find a way to stop feeling so stressed.
Phrases we all know, have said or have heard.
But what does stress look like to our children with special needs?
I will tell you about the one person with whom I am an expert and that is Elizabeth.
For those who might not know our story, Elizabeth is my daughter who has special needs. Specifically, sensory processing disorder (SPD) and global dyspraxia.
Both disorders affect her differently but both disorders affect her each and every day of her life.
Sensory disorders, for her, can increase stress and anxiety or conversely stress and anxiety can make her more aware and sort of heighten her SPD. Her dyspraxia can be affected by anxiety or stress which can make her more “disorganized” and less able to be as independent with skills as when her system is calm, and she can do tasks easily.
What is anxiety and stress for her?
Well, good question.
For Elizabeth, anxiety and stress can literally be anywhere and anything in her day that may be new, hard, old and easy or just a bad day. Really, it can be just because she is tired or overwhelmed.
So, our beloved therapist, Mary, began work on Elizabeth understanding the difference between “good stress” and “hard stress”
Which I found interesting as we had up until last month considered stress, well, one big topic called STRESS.
But Mary broke it down to the two types of stress.
With Good stress being stress that happens and something positive is the outcome.
And Hard stress as being stress that is just there, feels yucky and accomplishes nothing.
Examples used were Emily’s wedding (Elizabeth’s sister)- this was stressful for Elizabeth. But now we see and can talk about how is was a “good stress” That Elizabeth’s stress about sitting through the wedding, where will my sister live, will I still be part of her life….. was leading to the positive outcome of her sister being ecstatic and marrying her love while Elizabeth succeeded in being part of the day. The good stress led to the positive.
Mary talked about how Hard Stress can make Elizabeth feel disorganized and forget things. This was when Elizabeth was stressed about time and how hard waiting for something was. This made her day long and tough and really nothing good resulted.
I for one, love the distinction between these two forms of stress and it helps me help her see stress differently.
And it tells me that I am still learning. I am 27 years in on the journey and I am still learning. So, for anyone reading who was, maybe feeling bad about not knowing something or just learning something important about your child, please don’t.
It is a journey we are all on but truly, it is unique to each one of us. So give yourself grace and be grateful you have had the chance to learn this something new. No shame!
See you next month!