The minute our Halloween candy is passed out, it seems like the holidays come full force!
And with it comes all the adjustments, changes and resulting anxiety for our special needs children.
I offer this blog post out early in the season to share how we prepare our mindset for the upcoming Thanksgiving season
I like to think of Thanksgiving as the introduction to the holiday season and in my opinion, it is easier of the 2 holidays as there are no presents to give and/or receive presents
Having now successfully navigated near to 27 Thanksgivings,
I wanted to take a moment to offer out some of the things we think about for “Turkey Day”.
BE OPEN WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS ABOUT YOUR CHILD’S NEEDS
I have said it so many times.
But not always, in our early years, did I do it.
But I cannot say it enough, Be open and truthful.
That openness and truth goes such a long way to helping the day go well, to decreasing anxiety that you may have and truthfully, that they may have. People cannot support us in the care of our child(ren) the way that they need when the simply don’t know about them or their needs. And they cannot support us as we work so hard to be part of events that others can simply go to and enjoy.
Tell them what overload looks like
Tell them what foods your child likes, loves and simply won’t be near.
Tell them that they may need to get up from the table a bit early if they become overloaded.
Tell them what you think they need to know so that when you arrive or when they arrive at your house, you won’t feel the need to say anything to explain them or excuse their behaviors.
PREPARE FOR THE UNEXPECTED AND HAVE THAT PLAN B, C AND MAYBE EVEN D
Now just because you have told them, doesn’t mean you still don’t need your Plan B
This could be packing extra food that you know will be a hit with your child.
Or it could mean making sure that you pack their headphones and tablet loaded with their favorite show.
Or it could even mean taking 2 cars to the event (we did this a lot) that way if Elizabeth was DONE and I mean DONE, we could exit stage left and did not have to disrupt everyone. Her needs were met as were the other members of the family and friends.
DON’T FEEL GUILTY: JUST BECAUSE “THEY” SAY YOU NEED TO DO IT, DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO
For some reason, someone or a group of someone has become the “they” that we all reference when speaking of a holiday. “They are doing this” or “They say this year everyone is….” It is this group of “they” who deem the holidays done this way or that way and be filled with events and all the BUSY!
But truthfully, it does not have to be this way…Pick what YOU want to do and what YOU hope to accomplish for your family and allow yourself to be okay with it. If you make it to visit family for a bit and your family and child has fun, then consider that a success.
No one said visiting for hours, go here or there and, and, and has to happened.
Be true to yourself and your wishes …no matter what
TAKE A MOMENT TO EXPLAIN WHY YOU CANNOT ATTEND
Don’t try to go it alone or try to make the day work. The sensory processing disorder or SPD that affects Elizabeth would simply overrule any efforts made by others to help or make the day work.
Being honest and being true to the needs of your child and your family will bring you peace. I say this as my opinion but having hidden our needs for so long before and having tried to make it all work. I find it so freeing to simply say” We can’t thank you so much and here is why” Perhaps attending in a limited capacity or for a bit might work but without being honest you will never know if it is an option.
REMEMBER THAT EACH HOLIDAY IS JUST A DAY
I offer this out for you and me both, to help keep things in perspective. It is a day…ONE SINGLE DAY… a day made bigger by the media but in truth simply a day.
For me a day to enjoy all we can
To celebrate the day your way, to be okay with what you CAN do…to make the memories your way.
To celebrate any and all successes the day brings. Big or small. Celebrate them and tuck them into your heart.
DON’T FORGET A BIT OF SELF CARE
As someone who is 27 years into the journey, I have learned the importance of creating time for self-care.
Be it a few minutes alone.
Taking a walk
Time with some ambient music
A favorite coffee
A workout.
Whatever you pick as your self-care, please don’t feel guilty or that it is a dispensable thing, Because it is NOT, it is important, needed and necessary.
To keep your stress down, to allow your system to recharge and allow your brain to clear.
You are important, remember this.
I wish everyone a good month, a positive holiday experience and many good memories made.
See you next month.
Ohh, I almost forgot!!
I thought it might be a good thing to share some of my favorite items that I purchased from Talk Tools along this journey with Elizabeth. Maybe a few stocking stuffer ideas for you!
Here are my top 5
Talk Tools Jiggler Combo– Great to wake up the mouth for therapy and Elizabeth loved the sensory input of the vibrations
Talk Tools Spinner and Toothies– We always used these to wake up her mouth. She had no issue with these being used.
Chewys– Wonderful sensory input!
Talk Tools Straw Kit- Oral motor work along with fun shapes and colors? Yes! Elizabeth did great with these, even the disc when it was used.
TalkTools® Bubble Kit- You cannot lose when it comes to bubbles, they are just naturally fun. But the work to blow can be a skill that needs required. This kit makes the work fun. Elizabeth loved bubbles.